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** He **
So... I'm feeling a little uptight about this - I guess I mean more than a little [forcing a laugh] because I don't do this [a briefer nervous laugh] all the time. Well, no one does this really all the time. It's just that... I don't know what I'm doing. [He looks at her expectantly]
** She **
[almost a monotone] I enjoy hiking, cooking and yoga.
** He **
[trying to sound enthusiastic] Great! I like to hike. I'm not much at cooking - the timing, you know, having everything come together at the same time - that's not my forte. Matter of fact I don't know how anyone gets everything done simultaneously. [He dramatizes the hostess in a falsetto voice.] "Dinner is served!" Yoga, well... [He fades off]
** She **
[mechanically] I'm seeking a nonsmoking, successful, trustworthy man, 55-72.
** He **
Trustworthy. [He repeats the word slowly and deliberately.] Let me just blurt this out. Okay? [Her expression remains blank.] I'm married. There, I've said it. Guess that's why I'm so nervous - not knowing how you'll react. I love my wife, don't get me wrong. But... I'd like to explain. Okay? She's not excited by me. That's not so unusual. [guffaw] After all, after 46 years what would I expect? I'm not complaining. On the other hand, I want to see what's out there. No.. [shakes his head] Not what. You. You in particular. I want to get to know you. Maybe she's not the one for me. I'll never know if I don't take the risk. Sixty-eight, you know.
I'm sixty-eight. Well I am. And that's no spring chicken.[He smiles like a stand-up comic.] What is a spring chicken anyway? [She remains impassive.] She, my wife, she's not bad. I mean not a bad person. It's just that she doesn't show her caring. Not demonstrative. I want to know whether my expectations are unreal. You might ask, what's in it for you?
** She **
I enjoy hiking, cross-country skiing, dinner in cozy restaurants.
** He **
[He looks off to the side as if to say to an audience, Do you believe this? He faces her again trying to sound upbeat.] Yes! Love cross country skiing - sitting on your skis, so quiet and peaceful, just the sound of occasional snow falling off a pine branch: plop, plop. Love it. And dinners. Oh yeah. We would definitely include that. Big time. Restaurant of your choice. Sky's the limit. No problem. Because you deserve it - deserve the best, you know what I mean? I'm there for you.
** She **
Art, tennis, sailing.
** He **
[sounding a little crestfallen] Yeah. I'm with you on all three counts. So, I hope you can understand. I'm not promising anything, except, that is, a good time. No, I don't mean a good time, not in the sense of a fling, a one night stand. Of course, I don't mean "good time" that way. This is about respect.
** She **
I'm devoted to the arts.
** He **
I'm not being critical. You have a way-it's quite charming - of talking about yourself that some would find... indirect. I'm curious to know things. I mean, I know some things about you such as that you're an enormously attractive tech writing college graduate in midlife. From your ad I know that. And now that you're sitting right here across from me... I can see that. I can't actually see the tech writing college graduate part, but who would question?
As you say, you look great. I can see why, as you said in your ad, you're often asked Why don't you model? I want to deepen the relationship. Not all the way, of course. A relationship takes time. I know that. But I need something to hang my hat on - in a manner of speaking. You're single?
** She **
I'm sparkling, bold, international.
** He **
And single? [laughing more genuinely than before] You're single. right?
** She **
I'm tall, slender, graceful.
** He **
[displaying a lunatic smile.] Single, skingle? Ha, ha, ha. Waiting, waiting... Jingle, jingle?
** She **
I'm an engaging Goldie Hawn look-alike with no baggage.
** He **
Okay. So you're not single. That's fine - just a surprise. Same as you were surprised when I said I was married. Not that you Looked surprised. You didn't appear surprised. Maybe inwardly, but, of course, I can't see inwardly. [He stops to take a breath.] You're getting a divorce? Not quite single?
** She **
I have head-turning good looks.
** He **
[He looks at her incredulously] Yeah. [He adopts a serious tone.] Yes you have head-turning good looks. But is that right on target? Don't think I'm being critical. Acceptance. That's me. I'm very accepting. I'm only a little bit curious. There's something you're hesitant to share?
** She **
I love reclusive hideaways. Capri. The Bahamas.
** He **
Married? [no reply] Okay, I can live with that. [He talks now as if thinking out loud or talking to a third person] I'm married, so she can be married too. It's just that I was thinking of myself as the more secure of the two of us. If she's married then she may be... a rock. She has her husband if this doesn't work out. I have my wife to fall back on that is, unless she was to find out I was cheating. Well, I'm not exactly cheating - not yet. [He suddenly snaps into awareness of her.] Not that I'm taking you for granted. I hope you realize that.
** She **
I'm a slender, toned, pretty widow.
** He **
Now we're talking! That's going where we need to go. A widow! Why didn't you say so? That's great! Fine! [Suddenly somber] Not that I'm not sorry to hear the news. I've the greatest of respect for him. Dan? Edward? Arnold? You don't need to tell me. I understand. It may be too soon. It may hurt too much - open a wound.
** She **
I'm slender, extremely attractive, with beautiful eyes.
** He **
Yes, yes. Beautiful eyes. Blue I would say. Blue gray? Hazel? Not green. Beautiful anyway.
** She **
I evidence lively appreciation and have a healthy sense of humor.
** He **
[Feigning hilarity] Oh yeah! That's what I wanted to hear. Love a sense of humor.
** She **
I'm Pilates toned, Tuscan cooking trained.
** He **: Pilates! Great! Terrific gismo. Really gets you like no other device. Stretches those hamstrings, eh? You're a well rounded person.
She: I've got a knockout figure.
** He **
Hmm. This is a subject I thought we might get to, but not right away. I don't sleep around, you know. I've been AIDS tested. Negative. Not presuming anything about intimacy. Take our time, right? No hurry: all the time in the world. If it happens, it happens.
** She **
I enjoy the finer things without hedging toward materialism.
** He **
Wait a sec. No implication of materialism here. Not at all. You might want a little something now and then -perfume, a negligee, a scarf. Not a bribe or a pay-off. To know I care, right? That I appreciate who you are.
** She **
I actively enjoy hiking.
** He **
[shaking his head in disbelief] Hiking is cool. Very cool. Yep, hiking, So where are we at?
** She **
I'm humbled but not entirely defeated, by the language of writing for personal ads.
** He **
Gee. You wouldn't know it talking to you. You seem to have the language down pretty good. Pretty well. You express yourself most... elecutionarily.
** She **
I'm expressive, with passionate eyes and legs that don't stop.
** He **
I can't see your legs - under the table. I'd like to, of course. I take your word for it, though. Maybe we could leave this place, if that isn't taking you for granted. I don't mean go to a hotel room. A place that's a little more intimate.
** She **
I'm out of the closet about loving country music. [She smiles weakly.]
** He **
Hey, you've got quite the smile. Love it when you smile.
** She **
I enjoy hiking, cooking and yoga.
** He **
You're kidding. [She looks blank.] No, you're not pulling my leg. But you said exactly the same thing - hiking, cooking and yoga - before. Not that I don't approve. You go ahead and talk the way you wish. I'm accepting. Yesirree. You go right ahead. Non judgmental here, very non judgmental.
** She **
I enjoy hiking, cross country skiing, dinner in cozy restaurants.
** He **
[condescendenly] Uh huh. Well I do too. Never pass up an opportunity for [adopts a cadence] hiking, cross country skiing or dinners in cozy restaurants. But, my wife, you see I do love her and don't want to do anything to hurt her.
** She **
Art, tennis, sailing.
** He **
And maybe this-us, actually doing something - might indirectly hurt her. She might... they say a spouse can sense the infidelity in the air, pick it up from the face or the kiss hello. So, maybe....
** She **
[interrupting] I'm sparking, bold, international.
** He **
You are; you are. Don't misunderstand. It's nothing about you. In not getting cold feet. You're terrific. Matter of fact, I'm turned on - could sweep you right off your feet - if you don't mind the phrase It's just that I've had a chance to think. And I'm thinking maybe I'm not mature enough for this. At least, not yet. For you. You being a widow, having grieved, and matured; I'm sure.
** She **
I'm tall, slender, graceful.
** He **
And self confident. Yes, you are. Very direct about your strengths. I like that.
** She **
I'm glad you like that.
** He **
[stunned] Yeah! Forgive me; I'm just taken aback - by your speech.
** She **
I like a man who admires me.
** He **
Really! I'm a Stephen Hawkings think-alike, play jazz piano, have a high I.Q.
** She **
I'm eager to get to know you.
** He **
I'm seeking an adventurous and empathic, fit, SWF tech writing for companionship or commitment.
** She **
You're cute.
** He **
I adore browsing, cooking shops, people watching, art openings.
** She **
Me too.
** He **
I've been mistaken for John Barrymore
** She **
Let's go someplace more intimate.
** He **
Except that I must be off. Didn't realize how late. Time goes by. Know that song? [He hums the refrain from As Time Goes By] It's not a case of cold feet, nah uh. You're everything you say you are. And more. More and more. But I must run. Not run. Walk. I must go. Wife, you know, told her I'd be back by [He looks at his watch.] six o'clock. Yep. It's been real. A real pleasure.
** She **
You're unfussy, clever, engagingly self-deprecating.
** He **
Funny. I was going to say the same about you. Same to you.
** She **
I'm toned, addicted to Pilates...
** He **
Not actually addicted. You just appreciate Pilates the way any intelligent person would.
** She **
You're perceptive.
** He **
[getting up] Great to meet you. We'll be in touch, all right? Real soon. I have your e-mail. Terrific. [Rushes off].
** She **
He has a passion for the outdoors.